Dudley Dursley (ddursley) wrote in beyond_hogwarts,
Dudley Dursley

Tell me what the papers say

When: 27 February 1999
Who: Dudley Dursley
Where: Somewhere in the north of England
Status: Complete
Summary: Dudley finds something interesting in a rubbish bin. Oh, and a copy of The Quibbler.

Someone had thrown away nearly a whole liver sausage sandwich. And they called Dudley a criminal. In the rubbish bin underneath the sandwich, there was a newspaper, with a blob of mustard covering the picture of a tawdry den of iniquity. What caught Dudley's attention about the paper was that the figures in trenchcoats and dark glasses who had been caught entering the den of iniquity were moving.

It was a wizard paper. Dudley had been in the wizarding world long enough to realize that wizards weren't supposed to chuck wizard papers in muggle rubbish bins, but he wasn't entirely surprised to find it there. The fact that people were lazy was not news to him.

He snapped open the paper, and was confronted with his own face on the front page, above the fold. It was Luna's paper. He walked down the street, eating his sandwich, keeping half an eye out for police or anyone showing undue interest in him, and began to read.

She was angry with him, all right. Apparently he was a crazed, irrational, violent maniac. The bit about candy wasn't quite fair, either. She'd given him candy of her own free will, and he hadn't attacked her afterwards, or anything.

Still, he smiled as he read it, and when he was done, tucked it inside his jacket for safekeeping. He hadn't killed her after all. She was okay.
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